The Miracle of Modern Medicine

I've decided that the true miracle of modern medicine is that I can go in to my Dr., pout a little, say "I don't feel good" and 20 minutes later be leaving, clutching my own version of Hope In a Bottle in my hot little hands. Usually that phrase is reserved for the Health & Beauty industry ("Reduces Wrinkles!!" "Banishes Cellulite!!" "NOW--With Age Defying Carbon Molecules!!!!") but I've decided that actually? The Pharmaceutical companies have really got this one pegged. The Pain Will Disappear! You'll Climb Mountains, Ford Streams!! Be Free to Achieve All your Goals in Life!! Leap Tall Buildings in a Single Bound!! Ski Down Hills Covered in Yellow Flowers!! ANDBETHEMOSTAMAZINGPERSONEVER--all if you just take this one little pill! Drug-free America my ass.

So, yes, I'm back on the Juice. I tried, really I did. But just couldn't do it. But, at least? These posts will become a little less whiny, lose that slight tinge of hysteria.

Dammit, this sucks.

Yoooouuu are geeeetttting sleeeeeeppppy....

Well, I am any way. Dang it--I had wanted to do some work on the page today, fix that weather thing, make some style sheet changes. But at least wanted to answer my FABULOUS WONDERFUL COMMENTS that people are leaving! And get this short post in for ya. And I'm ticked, because i had this great cute little title, that I can't remember for the life of me. I'm so stinkin' tired--too many early am fertility test appts!!!

So, I got the HSG test done yesterday am. As the comment from yesterday said--OH MY GOD THAT HURTS LIKE A M**TH*R F****R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hoely crap I wish I had read that prior!! And I feel horrible--I totally whimped out. I started whimpering, whining, breathing hard (considered some of the breathing techniques in the pregnancy books I've read). I think the doctor didn't do as full an analysis b/c of it. And what really pissed me off is I wish I would have had Greg in there with me. He was there, and when they called me he got up--but they wouldn't let him come in with me--I was okay with it at first, but after the ordeal I WAS PISSED. I would have done much better with him in there. And I just needed him for support. I'm still upset about it.

But, its done and over with. But yes, was very painful. Still some cramping, had one that radiated up to my back, behind my left shoulder blade (read somewhere that could happen, shoulder pain) and still some weird dischargy things. However, they said everything looked fine.

But I don't believe them....

See, when I had the original ultrasound done, they said everything looked fine. "Great" I thought "One down, three to go".

WELL--apparently that was NOT the case. See when I had the HSG done yesterday, I requested the Dr. go over my FSH and Estradiol results with me as well, that they had just recently tested. Well, the FSH is slightly high. I belive the highly scientific, well thought-out term they used was "Gray Zone". Whatever that's supposed to mean.

BUT she said "The FSH level is in keeping with what was found in the ultrasound." Uh.....'scuse me?!?!? I thought the U/S was fine? Apparently not. "The follicular count was a little lower than we like to see as well".

So, there's your results. "Gray Zone". Don't know how to interpret that. I may not, and just go on with trying. We'll see. Once we've done the progesterone, we'll talk with the Dr. to figure out next steps. Anyhoo, off to bed with me.

Testing, testing....

So, we've officially entered the "Diagnosis and Testing" phase. You're supposed to get pregnant when you stop using birth control. You know--the usual story, sperm meets egg, egg says yes, baby ensues. But each passing cycle has made me realize--we may have a problem Houston. And the woman is usually the first to realize they may have a fertility problem. And usually the husband, and others around them, need convincing that medical intervention, or at least exploration, may be necessary. (Which was totally the case--you should have seen Greg's face when I asked him to do the semen analysis!! And even the consultation, he looks at me like I've lost my mind!) But, the thing is, exploring early, rather than putting it off, can increase the chances for a successful outcome. The earlier a problem is identified, the sooner you can fix it--and we can get on with our lives.

Anyhoo, I started Wednesday. Which means: tests, tests and more tests. And not just of the pee-on-a-stick variety. Though, I've gone down and forked over the monthly investment in LH and PG tests. I also bought a BBT thermometer. The Dr. wants me to track my temperature as well as use the LH/OPK tests, as an additional confirmation of ovulation. Great--so far I've taken three temperature readings, and they're all different--how is that supposed to work!?!? Whatever. But, yes, made the small fortune investment in the usual OTC pharmacy tests. This is getting pricey.

Wed was "Day 1" as they call it, the day which I was supposed to call and schedule my tests.

They want to run three tests this month--its your basic "entry level" infertility exams--apparently for those that aren't ready to commit to a full-blown work-up? I don't know. But this month will include (full details below): an FSH/Estradial test, an HSG and a Pooled Progesterone.

The FSH and Estradiol tests are two hormone tests run from a blood draw early in the cycle, which I went in for on day 2 (Thursday). Apparently, elevated levels of either can indicate poor egg quality/quantity. I was supposed to get the results from that on Friday, but didn't hear...so guess I'll call Monday.

The HSG is a dye test--they inject a dye into your uterus and track it as it travels through the uterus, fallopian tubes and out your tubes into your abdominal cavity. Essentially makes sure there's no blockages, etc. There's a description of it here. Warning: they use the term "frog leg position" (nice) and of course banty about words like "cervix" and "vagina"--not for the faint of heart. But they do have this very cool picture of someone's actual uterus:












Anyhoo--I've been trying to schedule that one for days. It needs to be done early--so it doesn't interfere with conception. I'm freaking out. When I went in on Thursday, they said to call Sunday for a Monday appointment. I called and they couldn't get me in until Tuesday--then they called back and Un-scheduled me, and said they'd call me tomorrow. I'm not happy, not happy at all.

The third test is a Pooled Progesterone test. Pooled because its actually three blood draws, three different days, three different progesterone levels, that are then averaged for one level. Progesterone apparently is supposed to prepare the uterine lining for implantation and support early pregnancy. I have, of course, in all my infinite medical knowledge, determined this is what is actually wrong with me. Well--related to fertility anyway. We won't talk about the rest.

Anyway, I am supposed to call the first day I get my LH surge. That is considered "Day 0" of the "Luteal Phase"--or the last two weeks before your period starts again. You take the three samples on any three days between day 5 and day 9 of the Luteal Phase. So, 5,7,9 or 5,6,8 or whatever.

So, there you have it, the testing schedule. Oh, I realized I never mentioned where I was going--I'm going to Seattle Reproductive Medicine seeing Dr. Lin, whom I like. Apparently he speaks at the local Resolve meetings--very cool. Thinking about checking out a meeting or something of theirs--great topics. Oooh, and a chance to volunteer--Greg will love that. He's never seen a volunteer opportunity he could resist.

In other news--the dog finally stopped puking or whatever it was she was doing. See, we were never around/awake to see the actual act--merely lucky enough to deal with the results. Whatever it was, it was absolutely disgusting. But, it was puzzling, as it was intermittent, some days she was fine, other days, not so great. Finally figured it out--I watched her closely the other day when I let her out to go to the bathroom, I wanted to see a)that she was peeing (so I knew she wasn't too dehydrated) and b) what else was coming out, specifically its state (lovely, can't look forward to doing this with a KID!). Well, instead of going potty, she guiltily meandered over to the shed, casting a few furtive glances back over her shoulder at me. Odd behavior, I thought--she never gives the shed a second look usually. She seemed to be checking something out--so I ambled over for a peek. Lo and behold, there, in all its glory, the bag of lawn fertilizer my precious hubby bought--and not just any lawn fertilizer, but a wonderful, smelly "Safe for Kids and Pets!!!!!!" fish-based fertilizer--who could resist!?!?!? And here was Diva, who had torn open a hole in the bag, and was snacking blissfully away, thinking in her little lab brain "Oh my god, I've found HEAVEN!". Until of course brought back to earth with a sharp butt whack and reprimand (note to self--can I get a sharp butt whack when discovered devouring my favorite Ben & Jerry's?).

Safe for Pets, yes, but perhaps not meant to be ingested by the Mouthful? Just a thought. And, god, no wonder it stank so bad!!! Called Poison Control (we're now on a first name basis--btw, did you know there's a Mister Yuk SONG?!?! I was so excited when I found out, I sang it all day!) Apparently, fertilizers in general aren't actually poisonous--they just cause significant gastrointestinal upset. So THAT'S what it was--gastrointestinal upset--ha, I'd say SERIOUS GASTROINTESTINAL PISSED-OFF-ED-NESS if you ask me!! Gross! She did placate me by saying Labs were their best Canine customers--though she was nicer and said it was because they were so curious. I think I would have maybe chosen different words.

Anyway, thank god that's over. Yuk.