Sunday, July 3

Favorite Myths for Why I'm Not Pregnant

1. "You're Trying Too Hard"
Yeah, that's it! Crap! Why didn't I think of that before?!?! You're right, HAVING SEX EVERYDAY is how to NOT get pregnant! Dang! If only I'd known that in college! Who needs birth control with that much "trying"?

2. "Its your Weight"
RIIIIGGHHT. Me and 90% of the American population. And yet, the papers haven't been shouting AMERICAN POPULATION DECLINING. Hmm, think I'll take a pass on that one.

3. There is no #3, I only had 1 and 2. But #3 I guess could be STOP IT, YOU'RE WORRYING ME. Seriously, I'm really starting to get worried.

According to "them," even in healthy couples there's only a 25% chance each month of getting pregnant. Even with all the correct timing and everything. I would really, really like to know where that 25% number comes from. They keep quoting it, yet no-one ever says why. Maybe its because they're fat nymphos.

So far, in my research, my favorite description of fertility is that it is like a "symphony":

It has different sections - the strings, percussion and horns. Each section must begin to play right on cue for a contada to result.

Not fair making me puke--it gets me excited that I might be pregnant.

Its so frustrating. I'm not allowed to officially panic yet, according to my doctor. She looked me straight in the eye during the colposcopy and said "You know that there's absolutely nothing wrong with you if it doesn't happen these specific three months. I NEED YOU TO KNOW THAT."

Yeah, right, I feel so much better now.

No one will touch you apparently unless you've been trying for an entire year. A YEAR y'all!! Right! Seriously, I don't think that's going to work. If we delay pregnancy any longer....well, a year just isn't going to cut it.

And yet, I read this article that people are just going straight to IVF, and with less than a year of trying.

Well, I have a couple more days before I start, so maybe there's still a chance. But I'm not going to hold my breath. Dammit. DAMMIT. Dammit. It wasn't supposed to be this hard. Its not supposed to be this hard. Its not fair! Arg.


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